Inappropriate guilt is not harmless, innocent, magnanimous or spiritual. It is vicious and demeaning and serves to keep you stuck where you are. It is important to differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate guilt. Appropriate guilt prevents us from doing what is wrong or harmful. It takes place before the action and prevents the action. Inappropriate guilt usually happens after the fact and is used to beat up oneself or manipulate others.
Often people use guilt as a way to get what they think they need or hold onto what they want. In truth, you lose by using guilt. You don't have to manipulate to be loved.
You can feel inappropriate guilt both when you are happy and when you are down. It is often used as a way to keep you and others from being powerful. The truth is, often you don't trust yourself with all the power and ability you really have. One reason people keep weight on is to avoid confronting their own power. Imagine what you can do when you begin to step into your power and no longer need excuses like weight to hold you back. Consider the possibility that it might be the most fun you have ever had! To quote that great sage, Auntie Mame, "Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving!"
To perpetuate the need to repress who you are, you may project guilt into every area of yourself and your life. You may make suffering something to be admired. Many advertising campaigns convince us that if we really love or care for each other, we'll buy this or that in order to prove that we are a good parent, spouse or person. We have made weakness a virtue and then tried to shame those who are most able. This conflict generates a self-perpetuating sickness. It's time now to acknowledge the able and assist the apparently unable in realizing his/her own power. Behavior that is rewarded magnifies. Reward empowering behavior wherever you see it, within yourself and others.
Imagine that you are a young child, five or six years old. You are sitting at the dinner table and on your plate is a big, cold pile of the most horrendous vegetable ever created. It could be okra, cooked carrots, asparagus, turnips or anything that you, as a child, found revolting. You do not want to eat it. Every parent has used the same argument to try to coerce their children into eating what they don't like: "Think of all the starving children in China or Africa or Europe".
Children do not have the power to reason until puberty. So the way this information is assimilated into young minds is through the following scenario: "Someone is starving because I am not eating. Therefore, it's my fault that they are starving. If I eat they won't starve anymore and eating will take away my guilt."
Most of us live with inordinate amounts of guilt, much of which we bring upon ourselves and we don't deserve or need it. Then we learn to handle the guilt by eating. This creates terrible conflicts, especially when attempting to diet. The vicious cycle of guilt-eat-guilt-eat can keep you overweight all of your life.
Another example of the eat-guilt-eat cycle comes from the "clean plate club". From this day forward, the clean plate club is out of business! Many of you experienced stern repercussions if you did not clean your plate. However, how long has it been since someone stood over you and demanded you eat everything on your plate? Probably quite a while. So why are you still doing it? Because it is an old program in your subconscious you may not even be aware of and it's running your eating behavior.
That old excuse, "I don't want to waste food" won't work anymore, either. There are two ways to spell "waist". What you choose to do with the food on your plate when your body's had enough food (waste) will determine the size of your body (waist). If you feel guilty throwing food away simply wrap it up, put it in the fridge and leave it until it's covered with mold and then toss it.
Get rid of the guilt in your life by being accountable for your life and your life alone. A helpful tool for accomplishing this is the Serenity Prayer:
"God, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference."
Listen to how many times you say, "I'm sorry." Unless you really did something you feel sorry for, "I'm sorry" usually comes from guilt. If you did something for which you feel sorry, apologize, and let it go. Beating yourself up with guilt serves absolutely no purpose except to make you feel bad and eat!
If you have children in your life, allow them to teach you how to eat. They know how. They listen to their bodies and trust the signals of hunger and fullness, regardless of what time it is, where they are or any other external factors. Don't guilt them or "food abuse" them. Forcing a child to eat something that is unpleasant to them is barbaric. Don't do that to your children. Don't force food on them or use it for any purpose other than to nourish the body and be a pleasant experience. If you do that, chances are they will never have weight or esteem problems.
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